from the mouth of babes
W1: This is the perfectest blue.
W2: Well, mine is special because I added some of my blood to it.
M (a mother): !!!
W2: What? I have an open wound. This potion has my DNA in it!!!
A: My beak is gone.
K: Your beak is gone. Are you not a bird anymore? You’re a human? Or maybe your beak is just really, really small?
W1: SHY-A-HASHHHHHAAAAAA- AHHHHHH!
W2 (a public school third grade Zoom expert): You’re on mute, so if you want to hiss at them, you have to press that button first.
A: Cherries, cherries, cherries!
W: I hate cherries even during Coronavirus!
K: What kind of fruit do you like?
W: I like … poop. No, just kidding … I like atmosphere and trees. Because then we can BREATHE!
While on one of our Zoom meet ups, A. was needing to walk away from the computer screen and leave her baby doll in her chair…
A to K: I’ll be right back. Can you watch my baby for me?
K: Sure. I can watch your baby.
W: I’m not going to have a baby! Ever! In any year!!! Because then you need to move out of the bed and the mom sleeps with the baby!!!
K (teacher): A. says OK to doing this book, Seals on a Bus. What do you think, W?
W (shrugging): I’m okay … for anything.
A: The earth is like a rocketship, blasting into space.
S: This is my favorite ship in the whole wide world. And it has a BOOSTER SPEEDER!
W to D [who was debuting a brand-new casted arm in a sling]: Why do you need an … uhh, armrest?
D: Because I broke my wrist!
K: I can see through walls. I can see and get the bad guys through the WALLS.
D + S: OK, but we’re the good guys.
W: I melt you because I have fire power. You’re a good guy now because I tamed you. Now you follow me like a dog. No, like a kitty cat. C’mon!
W: This marble looks like our WORLD!
Christmas according to KH:
“For Christmas you put up decorations and give notes to everyone, like your neighbors, then hang a note on the tree outside. The note says ‘thanks for giving me notes.’ You also need candy for the top of your treehouse. Attach it with tape, leave it overnight.
Birds don’t like the chemical bird spray and they won’t eat it.”
W: W— is NOT my name today!
M [adult]: Hmm. What is your name?
W: I don’t KNOW!
M: I have lots of things people have called me. Sometimes people call me Mayumi. Sometimes Mama. When I was a kid people called me Momo. [To S, another child nearby] Do you have any other things people call you?
M: How about you, E? [To another child nearby]
E: E—–. Or [gives her full name]. That’s all.
S: [eyes popping bright and wide] OH! One time my sister called me Savage!
D: Hey, KATE! Wanna see how oranges orange-juice?!”
[Scene: Tire swing. Child has his feet on the ground and is swaying with the moving swing, trying to get up on it]
W: I runned, and I runned, and I runned, and I runned, and I runned, and I ruined, and then I jumped, and then I DID IT!
G: OH NO! The sharks are biting me. AHHH! I’m not a chew toy, sharks!!!
W: I falled, but then I put my hand down. Like this. [Shows adult.] NICE CATCH!”
[after repeatedly yelling DAD! and having to wait because said dad was holding her baby sister and helping another child get a snack]
M: Ughh. My dad really has a different sense of schedule than I do.
J: “NO SHOES, because animals in the jungle don’t wear shoes.”
M: I study bugs. That’s why I’ve got a magnifying glass in my bag.
E: I study bugs, too!
M: Yeah, but you’re in a different department.
W: I can see the UNIVERSE from here!
L to C: “This is our invisible plane. Get in!”
K to Carol [adult]: Can you hold my feather while I bike? Be careful! Don’t let it fly away!
M [adult]: I like your necklace.
E: It’s NOT a necklace. It’s actually called an “omu-lette.”
Q to Y [adult]: Can you hold this [quesadilla] while I fly?
W: PHHHT! Oh, thank you for the FART! Hahahahaha!
E: I need shells and play sand. Because I haven’t been to the beach in a long time, and I really miss it.
M to D: Are you gonna be there when your baby is born, or is your mom having it in the hospital?
D: I don’t know. I hope it’s born during the day so I can be there!
M: Oh, I got news for you. They’re always born during the day.
J: Do I look scared?
M [adult]: I see your body is shaking.
J: Yes. I can do that. I can make my body pretend to be scared.
Big W to little W: “Rock, paper, scissors, SHOOT! Anything you want to do! BLACK HOLE!”
Little W: “Rock, paper, scissors, SHOOT. ORANGE HOLE!!!”
Carol [adult] was reading a book to D and J:
C: “…and these spiders rarely bite people.”
C: “Oh, so I wonder what spiders have venom?”
D: “Wait, Venom or Venmo?!”
J: “Guys! Huddle up! Listen. No complaining in this game!”
M [adult]: “That’s not Carol. That’s another mama. Her name is [–]. But she does have a red hat just like Carol.
W: “Oh.” [thinks about this for a minute] “Hey! Maybe they’re a FAMILY!”
W: “MOOM! I’m track-dead!”
M [adult]: “What? Track-dead?”
W: “I’m track-dead by the chair!!”
M: “Oh! You’re trapped?”
J: “But you’re not trapped, really. Just swing your legs around and then you can get out the other side!”
S: “J—, I’m sorry I said you couldn’t play with my plan.”
J: “I’m sorry I said that too. It was just a joke. We’re best friends, right?”
R: “You want to know how to walk in a tree?”
T [adult]: “Yes, I’d love to!”
R: “You just … move your feet. Like M– is doing. Go slow, and be careful not to fall!”
S: “You know what agua means?”
J: “Is that Spanish?”
M: “I am having an *experience* with glue!”
Scene: Two children, working with balls of baking soda and pipettes of vinegar.
S: “It’s like clay!”
J: “Yeah! But it’s just one step MUSHIER.”
L: “Can you take off my shoe?”
W: “Sorry, I cannot. I’m too busy spying on a ghost.”
H [swinging on the tire swing and standing on one foot]: “I feel like a wild horseman!” “I’ve been having one hundred dreams about this!”
R to W: “Are you Hawaiian or a carnivore?”